Because logic is for the AP Poll, and we live by vibes.
Every year, sports media churns out “way-too-early” previews based on hours of film study, player development reports, and “sources close to the program.” But where’s the fun in that?
I believe in something stronger than data: gut feelings, wild speculation, and completely unverified vibes. Armed with two iced coffees and a Magic 8-Ball, I’ve poured over crucial preseason indicators—dream journals, sideline hat choices, and the exact speed of the marching band during the Blue-Gold game—to bring you my totally accurate bold predictions for the 2025 season.
(*Disclaimer: Not accurate. Wildly confident. Best read with a grain of salt and maybe some stadium nachos.)
Prediction #1: Notre Dame will win a game after being down 21 points.
It’ll happen sometime in mid-October, and it will be the stuff of legend. The comeback will involve:
— Three turnovers in the span of six minutes
— A trick play called The Disappearing Act, where the QB hides the ball under his jersey before flipping it to a tight end.
— A squirrel will run onto the field during the 4th quarter, causing the opposing kicker to miss wide left. Fans will immediately declare it a good omen, and T-shirt vendors will have “SQUIRREL SAVES THE IRISH” merch printed by Monday morning.
Prediction #2: Marcus Freeman will say exactly 12 words during a postgame press conference—and still break the internet.
Those words will include: “Execution. Poised. Grit. Teachable red zone moment. Love. Brotherhood.” Sports Twitter will dissect his tone, inflection, and eyebrow movements for days. Slow-motion clips will trend on TikTok with captions like “FREEMAN JUST ENDED THE SEC’S WHOLE CAREER.”
Prediction #3: A defensive lineman will become a TikTok star during the bye week.
He’ll post a dance duet in front of the Golden Dome. It’ll include original choreography, the Irish Guard will join in, and ESPN will run a 4-minute segment calling it “a sign of the program’s evolving culture.” The video will be set to “Shipping Up to Boston” remixed withh Zombie Nation.
Prediction #4: The Shirt will be color-changing.
Yes, The Shirt. Gold when we’re winning, sad khaki when we’re losing. Retail price: $38. Emotional value: infinite. One fan will claim theirs turned plaid after the USC game, prompting conspiracy theories about a hidden Under Armour “mood fabric.”
Prediction #5: A new superstition will take over the locker room.
It will start when a backup linebacker wears mismatched socks and plays a single note on a bright green kazoo before kickoff. We will never lose while doing this. Soon, the student section will be a sea of mismatched socks and kazoo choruses so loud that opposing teams call extra timeouts to regroup. NBC will try to explain it on air and accidentally start a nationwide kazoo shortage.
Prediction #6: Special Teams will score a touchdown that is immediately overturned for reasons no one understands.
Replay officials will spend 11 minutes reviewing it. No explanation will make sense. Brian Kelly will somehow get blamed in the comments.
Prediction #7: The new freshman kicker will have the most intense fan club in college football.
They’ll call themselves “The Foot Clan”, show up in ninja masks, and throw gold confetti every time he kicks a PAT. NBC cameras will stop showing them by Week 5 because it’s “too distracting.”
Prediction #8: The season will end with a viral locker room speech so emotional that even the gold helmets fog up.
It will involve a reference to Rudy, a nod to Knute Rockne, and the phrase “Win one for the guy in Section 35 eating nachos.” The crowd will go silent. Then erupt.
Are these predictions scientific? No. Are they possible? Also no. But they’re real in our hearts—and that’s all that matters until kickoff.
Cheers & GO IRISH!
Author’s Note: I’m pressing pause on my usual Throwback Thursday series until football season kicks off—don’t worry, they’ll be back in full force once toe meets leather! In the meantime, I’m sharing some lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek posts to help us survive the long, football-less summer stretch.
This series is meant to be fun, satirical, and maybe just a little absurd. Think of it as emotional pre-season conditioning for Irish fans. Please take it with a grain of salt… and maybe a side of stadium nachos.
