Because if college athletes can cash in, they might as well do it with laser tag, beef jerky, and vintage shillelaghs.
Name, Image, and Likeness (NIL) has changed college football forever—and, naturally, Notre Dame is doing it “the right way.” Press releases are polished, brand partners are wholesome, and everyone’s wearing blazers in the photos.
But… deep down, we want the weird deals. The glorious, over-the-top, absolutely real-in-our-hearts endorsements that make you spit out your stadium nachos in delight. So here’s the completely accurate list of NIL partnerships we’re hoping to see this season.
Author’s Note: I’m pressing pause on my usual Throwback Thursday series until football season kicks off—don’t worry, they’ll be back in full force once toe meets leather! In the meantime, I’m sharing some lighthearted, tongue-in-cheek posts to help us survive the long, football-less summer stretch.
This series is meant to be fun, satirical, and maybe just a little absurd. Think of it as emotional pre-season conditioning for Irish fans. Please take it with a grain of salt… and maybe a side of stadium nachos.
Marcus Freeman x Irish Spring™
Tagline: “Stay cool. Stay fresh. Stay undefeated.”
Comes with a limited-edition “Quarter-Zip Clean” scent—a fresh mix of grass, victory, and faint whiffs of opposing coaches’ fear. Bonus: a sideline-ready loofah with ND embroidery and a playbook pocket.
Offensive Line x Wonder Bread
Tagline: “Because we don’t knead anyone getting past us.”
Includes a team-authored cookbook called PanCakes & Protections: The Domer Griddle Playbook, featuring recipes for everything from pancake stacks to “Trap Block Toast.” Fans receive a free loaf with every false start (so, maybe two loaves per season).
QB1 x Ray-Bans
For those moments when you stare down the blitz, shrug it off, and still complete a 25-yard laser while looking cool enough to headline a GQ cover.
Limited-edition line includes “Pocket Presence” aviators and “Two-Minute Drill” wayfarers. Guaranteed to reduce glare and enhance swagger.
Linebackers x Petfinder
Collab name: Blitz Buddies.
Every tackle features a dog named Blitz, Tackle, or Shamu on the Jumbotron. The linebacker does a post-sack cuddle. Everyone cries. Everyone adopts. Opposing offenses get distracted by adorable pitbull puppies on the sideline.
Notre Dame Stadium Weather x REI
Not technically a player NIL, but South Bend weather has earned it.
Tagline: “Prepare for sun, sleet, judgment, and 22 mph winds—all in the first quarter.”
The package includes a four-season tent, SPF 50 sunscreen, a heated poncho, and a set of rosary beads for late-November games.
Defensive Line x Axe Body Spray
Tagline: “We bring the pressure. And the scent of impending doom.”
Every sack triggers a sideline fog machine and the sound of a distant war horn. Fans in Section 109 receive free sample bottles and optional ear plugs. Opposing QBs are now legally required to sign waivers.
Kicker x Local Cupcake Shop
Why shouldn’t someone named Liam O’Foot get paid in frosting for every 40-yard bomb through the uprights?
New signature flavor: Pressure Point Peppermint—with just a hint of ice for clutch kicks in November.
Bonus Deal: Walk-On Backup x Community Theater
Catch him in Guys and Dolls the night before Homecoming. He’s got range—on and off the field. His NIL perks include comp tickets for the O-Line (they take up two rows) and a prop fedora he insists on wearing under his helmet.
Look, NIL is here to stay.
So let’s dream big, stay loyal, and one day—one glorious day—see an ND player holding a giant foam shillelagh in a Velveeta commercial yelling, “STAY GOLD, BABY.” Because that’s the future we deserve.
Cheers & GO IRISH!
